Feedback: Excessively polite signs

Excessively polite signs

FEEDBACK is, as regular readers have noticed, much preoccupied with signs. But we have not until now felt the need for a word denoting excessive politeness in a sign. Then a colleague spotted one in Guy's Hospital, London, that said: "Way Out - apologies for temporary sign". It was neatly printed on A4 paper, although admittedly rather loosely taped to the wall.

But it worked. The way out was to the left, as legibly indicated. That is all we require of a sign - is it not?

Was someone apologising for something else - the decorating work to the right, perhaps? For not having commissioned an etched laminate sign, or even a beautiful Victorian cast-iron fingerpost?

Does anyone have any more examples of... hmm... what shall we call it?

Feedback has previously coined the term "semiopathy" for signs which evince or evoke inappropriate emotions (6 October 2001). We noted back then that you can translate this reassuringly sciency word as "sign-sensitivity" or "sign-suffering", depending on your reaction, the latter being a more plausible reading of the Greek roots. So this special case could be "semioeugeneia", gaily shoehorning in the Greek for politeness, eugeneia.

We are somewhat concerned that we risk confusion with "eugenics" - the word that 19th-century polymath Francis Galton made up for his human breeding programme, which had notoriously awful consequences in the mid-20th century.

However, we think Galton got it wrong in more ways than one. Eugeneia may have originally meant "well-born", but over time it simply came to mean politeness, which wasn't quite what Galton was thinking about.

Meanwhile, have any of you, high or low-born, spotted other semioeugeneia?

Snow on TV as predicted

FEEDBACK recently bewailed the loss of the "snow" background shown on analogue televisions when there is no signal, but predicted we would soon see it again in the form of a dyskeuomorph - an anachronistic recreation of a flawed technology (11 August). Toby Thorne was one of several readers who hastened to inform us that this prediction has already come true.

Toby and the rest describe how they attempted to watch a video on YouTube. When it failed to play, the screen displayed an error message encouraging the user to try again later. The message background was black, with a faint depiction of analogue snow. It even had the occasional line scanning down the screen to make it more convincing.

For Toby, that this should occur so soon after Feedback's prediction is "slightly concerning". He wonders if "next week you could predict some lottery numbers".

Meanwhile, for those who want to see a dyskeuomorph of snow without waiting for a video to fail, Andy Johnson-Laird points us to the intro of the HBO entertainment group promo at bit.ly/HBOsnow.

Simpler still, Juliet Bullimore says that although her analogue service was switched off some months ago, she still gets "the familiar cosmic microwave snow effect" without any trouble if she inadvertently pushes the TV button instead of the DTV button on her remote control.

Perch-hundredweight-fortnight system

A MONTH ago we ran a story about a scientist at an atomic research establishment who, fed up with all the different systems of units in use there, started reporting pressures in stones per acre (4 August).

This reminded Ian Walton of his days at the UK chemicals firm ICI back in the 1970s. Ian and his colleagues were frequently required to write mandatory reports on their work which, they were convinced, nobody ever read. So they started presenting their results using the perch-hundredweight-fortnight system of units. There was, Ian says, "no discernible reaction".

Have your stolen card to hand

OUR sympathies go to Dave Luddington, who had his American Express Card stolen. He was not greatly helped by the directions in the "General Card Information" section of Amex's online UK contact list: "Lost & Stolen: 01273 696 933 - (From abroad: +44 (0)1273 696 933) - Available 24/7... Please have your Card to hand when calling us."

Go to hospital if your heart stops

SECTION 4 of the information leaflet for the drug Cordarone X that Bob Stephens has been taking lists its possible side effects. Under the section headed "Very rare (affects less than 1 in 10,000 people)", users are encouraged to stop taking the tablets if: "Your heartbeat becomes very slow or stops beating. If this happens, go to hospital straight away."

"Presumably," Bob speculated, "one should call in at the undertakers on the way."

Stumped by instructions

FINALLY, Mike White notes the "impossible restriction" of a sign at a Waitrose supermarket at a UK service station on the M40 motorway: "Alcohol purchased in this motorway service area can not be consumed inside or outside the premises."

The medicinal potassium citrate Fiona Wain bought was "proudly packaged for Sunray Health Products, Brendale, Queensland, Australia". Then the label adds: "For Extemporaneous Use Only"

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